For years, we’ve talked about finding the right woman — someone we can ride the waves of life with, who will stand by our side for better or for worse.
As a man, committing to The One is among the most important decisions we make in life; some may even argue it is the most important.
The woman we decide to share our world with is the one who will mother our children, help us plan life, pick us up when we’re down and make us better men than we are right now.
But, what does the right woman look like in our eyes?
For years, women have been sharing what they want in men, but there’s this widely-held stereotype that all we want is the so-called “trophy wife.” I don’t agree with that notion.
You see, there’s so much that should go into deciding whom to share your life with — characteristics, in a sense, that stand the test of time.
So, what is it we men want in a woman?
1. CharacterBeing truly beautiful has nothing to do with what you look like, but everything to do with who you are.
I’ve met quite a few beautiful women in my life whose personalities were as appealing as the dirty concrete in a New York City subway station.
I’m sorry, but it’s true.
We want people who put as much time and energy into ensuring they look good as they do into being genuine and real. You know “that girl” you are around your girlfriends?
That’s who you really are. Don’t be so hesitant to be that way with us.
We see you laugh uncontrollably with your friends, so laugh with us. We love women who have senses of humor and don’t take life so seriously.
Be yourself. Order a cheeseburger for lunch. Get ketchup all over your face.
Put on sweats and a t-shirt when we come over. Skip makeup and don’t do your hair. It’s all okay; we actually like that.
You know that Drake song when he says, “Sweatpants, hair tied, chillin’ with no makeup on, that’s when you’re the prettiest…”?
Well, he’s right.
We love when you get dressed up and feel beautiful, but know that you don’t need to flip a switch from your real self in order to gain our acceptance.
If there ever comes a point when you feel a need to do that, well, you’re just with the wrong man.
2. RespectHow you present yourself says a lot about who you are.
Wearing clothes that accentuate your body is nothing new, nor do I believe it’s disrespectful. But, that’s not where I am going with this.
In today’s society, there’s something called social media, and it’s basically your résumé for men. Where you go, whom you go with, what you say and how you say it reflects you as an individual.
And, truthfully speaking, men don’t want someone who is everywhere, doing everything, with everyone.
Little boys who want the popular girl might, but real men don’t play those games.
You can’t respect a man if you don’t respect yourself. It’s not a knock, but seriously, how would that be possible?
We prefer the woman who’s sitting home, reading a book as opposed to getting drunk with her friends on the weekends; we prefer the one who’s life is kept more low-key, as it makes her more intriguing.
The less we know about someone’s life, the more interesting that person becomes. It forces us to engage, to inquire, to seek out.
Our conversations with you gain substance, and this becomes appealing.
If we know everywhere you’ve been and everything you’ve done, where does that leave us?
3. AffectionMen are very physical human beings. Everything for us elevates with touch. By nature, we’re drawn to it.
It goes without saying that a woman who is very free with her offerings of affection will entice us. It’s very warm and welcoming to a man.
Just like you, we want a woman to reach out and grab our hand; we want for you to come over and kiss us randomly; we want for you to hug us and ask us how our day was. It evokes this feeling of being wanted.
It just strengthens that connection we have with you and opens up lines of communication, but more importantly, makes us feel comfortable — invited in, so to speak.
4. IntelligenceStimulating conversations make a man go crazy.
Intelligent women are ones who know so much about the world around them, but even more so, have a keen interest in making it a better place.
They think critically and engage our senses. Furthermore, they have this drive to be successful, which in itself, can be the biggest turn on there is.
There’s more to life than the latest handbag, designer shoe or next episode of your favorite reality TV show.
We’re guilty of it, too, bombarding you with football on Sundays or even forcing you to watch “SportsCenter” every night.
The decisions we face in life can often present us with uncertainty and having someone insightful by our side can help us make the right ones.
This doesn’t require a degree from Harvard, or any degree for that matter, just intellect, reasoning and understanding.
5. ConfidenceLife is difficult.
Every day is a struggle to get through and having a confident woman by your side is key to pursuing your dreams.
A woman who loves herself, regardless of her own flaws, will love a man for all of his. Beyond loving you, she will knock down the doors of resistance and reach for the stars with you.
There’s something sexy about a confident woman, and it has nothing to do with looks.
To be truthful, we don’t notice every one of your flaws. You know, the ones you spend hours in the mirror pointing out to yourself.
If we found ourselves attracted to you, know that we aren’t analyzing every inch of your body to find perfection.
That doesn’t exist, and we aren’t looking for it.
Knowing she understands her worth is innately appealing. In essence, you’re looking at someone who can complement you, not just be a trophy at your side.
She knows what she wants and isn’t waiting for you to give it to her.
Beyond that, she’s content with herself and her body.
As crazy as it may sound, confidence is something we can feel from a sexual point of view. It’s almost like an energy that draws us in and makes for an even better sexual experience.
6. AmbitionMen love to be caretakers and “planners” for our families, but we also love a woman who can plan that life with us. We don’t want to have to make every decision alone. We need a visionary, one who can see beyond today.
Determined women are more committed, simply due to the fact that they have laser focus.
There are no uncertainties about their futures because they understand what it takes to get there.
Failure isn’t a choice for them.
Ultimately, a woman who is willing to push forward to be the best mother to her children or have a successful career is one who will strive for a successful relationship.
When things get tough, she won’t be so easy to quit and walk away. If she lacks ambition, however, odds are that result might look a bit different.
Aspiring people, in general, usually figure out how to make things work.
7. HumilityNaturally, humble people focus their energies outward. When searching for a life partner, this becomes very attractive to a man.
Humble women exude this compassion for others, putting others’ happiness before their own. But, they do this in such a way that brings them peace and protection.
Knowing that someone has this desire to put us first immediately shows that your ego won’t get in the way of creating a strong partnership.
I think we understand the whole “let’s play hard to get” mentality, but tell me how wasting all of that energy really serves you well? It doesn’t.
If we decide to tell you how we feel about you, or even tell you how beautiful we think you are, don’t look at us as if we have 10 heads.
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to do that.
Be humble and have the decency to acknowledge it, even if you don’t necessarily feel the same way.
There’s this misconception that looks, popularity or even social status will find you true love, but it won’t.
So, stop trying. What matters is whom you are — that’s what a real man wants.
Just you, flaws and all.